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love_sacrificed2024-12-01 09:21 pm
immortalje) wrote in love_sacrificed2024-12-01 09:21 pm
Entry tags:
Fic: A Sense of Safety (9-1-1 Lone Star)
Title: A Sense of Safety
Author: JE /immortalje
Pairing: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Summary: They'd made up and talked about the aftermath of TK meeting Carlos' parents for the first time. He really should have known that Carlos would turn around and ask after how safe he felt in their relationship.
Rating: FRC
Words: 1,350
Beta: None
Other Locations: Ao3 ~ Squidge World
AN: This has been sitting on my hard drive for a while now and I've finally managed to polish it up enough to post :)
AN2: I've made a list of other stories, mostly 9-1-1 Lone Star, but also in a couple of other fandoms, that I want to post in December along with other stuff. Let's see if I manage to get it all polished up. December (and November really) always tend to be far busier than I anticipate... An overview can be found here
A Sense of Safety
After their little heart-to-heart about the aftermath of running into Carlos’ parents unexpectedly and their individual reactions to it, they had hugged it out with a non-negligible part dedicated to making out. Eventually, they had settled on the couch and TK relished in holding Carlos in his arms again. He wished that he had a better control over his emotions instead of jumping straight to turning a molehill into a mountain. His emotions had stabilized since his move to Austin to the extent that he had a handle on them most of the time by now and he’d stopped jumping straight to aggression or breaking down over everyday matters, there were still those moments when something hit him unexpectedly and in very tender wounds that there was no reigning them in. Really, the only reason he had been able to hold it in until they had reached the privacy of Carlos’ place had been all the ways he’d learned to project calm under pressure for the job and a shitload of therapy. Granted, Carlos’ ignoring the way that introduction had gone down on the ride home from the farmers market hadn’t helped at all.
Carlos brought him out of their moment of tranquility by fidgeting in his arms and he was surprised to note that it had become quite a bit darker.
Feeling a bit sluggish as if he’d just woken up, TK said, “Everything okay?”
Carlos sighed, but stopped trying to wriggle free. Finally, he said in a quiet voice, “Do you really feel unsafe in this relationship?”
TK felt really bad about that. While he’d flown off of the handle, this had been more about Carlos and not him. He had meant it that he would be whatever Carlos needed him to be when it came to his family. He’d dated people before that weren’t out to their families or anyone really. He knew that his parents’ easy acceptance wasn’t the norm. Possibly not even in a place as open as New York tended to be. Pulling Carlos closer, TK sighed. Really, the problem hadn’t been the way he’d introduced but the way he had been blindsided by it.
Taking a moment to think about his reply, TK said, “This isn’t on you, you know. Those are my issues. Most of the time you make me feel so goddamn safe, I never want to leave your arms.”
TK kissed the part of Carlos’ head that he could reach in their position, before he continued saying, “I know I never discussed Alex with you and everything that happened beyond that time I got into that bar fight, but it left a lot of scars. And that relationship probably wasn’t the only one that did. Before you, I didn’t have the best taste in men. He admitted to cheating on me. He made me feel guilty about my work schedule, having to cancel or being late to dates and other things when a shift ran late. Wasn’t the first guy to do it either. The first guy I ever dated could be manipulative as hell if he wanted something. In some way or another, everyone I’ve dated made me feel as if I wasn’t good enough. You never make feel like that, but –”
“Those kinds of thoughts aren’t as easy to dispel once they’ve gotten a hold of you.”
“Yeah.”
“And then I introduced you as my friend instead of my boyfriend. It must have –”
“Babe, it’s not that you introduced me as your friend. Not really. I’m good with that. It’s just – I didn’t expect it. You said you were out to them and didn’t mention being rejected over it. I figured that meant they were fine with it. Both through friends and through my job I’ve encountered those two options plenty of times. I didn’t really encounter the indifference or the limbo that you apparently experienced, so that didn’t cross my mind as an option. Nor did you mention any kind of problems with them whenever I asked about meeting your parents. I just figured that maybe you thought it was too soon. People have different stages at which they introduce someone to their parents.”
With a huff, TK said, “It’s not as if you meeting my parents was the usual route either considering that I work with my dad and you met my mom while I was recovering from getting shot. You’ve also got no problem being out whenever we’re around other people – might I remind you of the way you made sure that that bartender knew that I was taken when we cheered on Marjan at the roller derby?”
Carlos huffed a laugh. “You loved it.”
“That I did.”
With a smile, TK kissed the side of Carlos’ head and said, “So when you introduced me as your friend, it kind of blindsided me and brought all of my fears, guilt and insecurities to the front. I’ve put you through so much since we met and a part of me wonders if there will be a day when you realize that I’m too broken, too much work. It’s irrational and you’re so good at making sure that I know how much you love me, that you’re committed to me, to us.”
Carlos took a deep, shaky breath and said, “You are worth it and I guess it’s easy to push my own issues aside when I can focus on helping you with yours. I’ve seen what it’s like to be the one to walk into the minefield and been blown up more often than I really care for when it comes to you – and make no mistake, loving you makes it all worth it - and yet I never thought about there being any surrounding me or how they could hurt you.”
“Hey, it happens. I just – let’s promise that we’ll always talk about it. I know I can fly off the handle easily when something just hits me unexpectedly especially if the meet sensitive topics and I know I can be quite hurtful and crazy in those circumstances. I’m working on it, but there’s still a lot to improve on. There’s no magical fix that makes it all better. So, let’s just promise that once we’ve had time to calm down, that we’ll talk about it. Share the why’s, the how’s and all that shit and listen to what the other has to say and maybe try to figure out how things could have gone better. And hopefully, the next time we’ll avoid at least that kind of misstep.”
“I can do that.”
“And just for the record, just because I’ve been a hot mess more often than not so far, it doesn’t mean that I’m the only one who can be a mess, okay. You’re allowed to have your problems. You’re allowed to be a mess, too, and I hope I can be the rock you can lean on the same way you are for me.”
“I’m just not used to it.”
“We’re a work in progress. There’s plenty of time to get used to it yet. And if there’s ever anything that makes you feel unsafe in this relationship, please let me know. Or if there’s something you anticipate to cause problems.”
Carlos hummed and settled back down.
“I’ll try. The same is true for you as well, you know.”
“I know,” TK said, “Not being blindsided by things helps.”
Before TK could let his thoughts drift off again, Carlos sat up and looked at him.
“Something else I should know about?” he said with a frown. It had felt as if they were done with the talk.
“Dinner. How do you feel about Chinese?”
As if it had just been waiting for that question, TK’s stomach growled.
Carlos laughed and said, “I guess that’s one way to answer.”
A quick, amused peck on the lips later, Carlos reached for his phone to order their food. TK used the distraction to cuddle up to him. There was no need to talk about the food as they both knew what the other preferred by now.
Author: JE /
immortaljePairing: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Summary: They'd made up and talked about the aftermath of TK meeting Carlos' parents for the first time. He really should have known that Carlos would turn around and ask after how safe he felt in their relationship.
Rating: FRC
Words: 1,350
Beta: None
Other Locations: Ao3 ~ Squidge World
AN: This has been sitting on my hard drive for a while now and I've finally managed to polish it up enough to post :)
AN2: I've made a list of other stories, mostly 9-1-1 Lone Star, but also in a couple of other fandoms, that I want to post in December along with other stuff. Let's see if I manage to get it all polished up. December (and November really) always tend to be far busier than I anticipate... An overview can be found here
A Sense of Safety
After their little heart-to-heart about the aftermath of running into Carlos’ parents unexpectedly and their individual reactions to it, they had hugged it out with a non-negligible part dedicated to making out. Eventually, they had settled on the couch and TK relished in holding Carlos in his arms again. He wished that he had a better control over his emotions instead of jumping straight to turning a molehill into a mountain. His emotions had stabilized since his move to Austin to the extent that he had a handle on them most of the time by now and he’d stopped jumping straight to aggression or breaking down over everyday matters, there were still those moments when something hit him unexpectedly and in very tender wounds that there was no reigning them in. Really, the only reason he had been able to hold it in until they had reached the privacy of Carlos’ place had been all the ways he’d learned to project calm under pressure for the job and a shitload of therapy. Granted, Carlos’ ignoring the way that introduction had gone down on the ride home from the farmers market hadn’t helped at all.
Carlos brought him out of their moment of tranquility by fidgeting in his arms and he was surprised to note that it had become quite a bit darker.
Feeling a bit sluggish as if he’d just woken up, TK said, “Everything okay?”
Carlos sighed, but stopped trying to wriggle free. Finally, he said in a quiet voice, “Do you really feel unsafe in this relationship?”
TK felt really bad about that. While he’d flown off of the handle, this had been more about Carlos and not him. He had meant it that he would be whatever Carlos needed him to be when it came to his family. He’d dated people before that weren’t out to their families or anyone really. He knew that his parents’ easy acceptance wasn’t the norm. Possibly not even in a place as open as New York tended to be. Pulling Carlos closer, TK sighed. Really, the problem hadn’t been the way he’d introduced but the way he had been blindsided by it.
Taking a moment to think about his reply, TK said, “This isn’t on you, you know. Those are my issues. Most of the time you make me feel so goddamn safe, I never want to leave your arms.”
TK kissed the part of Carlos’ head that he could reach in their position, before he continued saying, “I know I never discussed Alex with you and everything that happened beyond that time I got into that bar fight, but it left a lot of scars. And that relationship probably wasn’t the only one that did. Before you, I didn’t have the best taste in men. He admitted to cheating on me. He made me feel guilty about my work schedule, having to cancel or being late to dates and other things when a shift ran late. Wasn’t the first guy to do it either. The first guy I ever dated could be manipulative as hell if he wanted something. In some way or another, everyone I’ve dated made me feel as if I wasn’t good enough. You never make feel like that, but –”
“Those kinds of thoughts aren’t as easy to dispel once they’ve gotten a hold of you.”
“Yeah.”
“And then I introduced you as my friend instead of my boyfriend. It must have –”
“Babe, it’s not that you introduced me as your friend. Not really. I’m good with that. It’s just – I didn’t expect it. You said you were out to them and didn’t mention being rejected over it. I figured that meant they were fine with it. Both through friends and through my job I’ve encountered those two options plenty of times. I didn’t really encounter the indifference or the limbo that you apparently experienced, so that didn’t cross my mind as an option. Nor did you mention any kind of problems with them whenever I asked about meeting your parents. I just figured that maybe you thought it was too soon. People have different stages at which they introduce someone to their parents.”
With a huff, TK said, “It’s not as if you meeting my parents was the usual route either considering that I work with my dad and you met my mom while I was recovering from getting shot. You’ve also got no problem being out whenever we’re around other people – might I remind you of the way you made sure that that bartender knew that I was taken when we cheered on Marjan at the roller derby?”
Carlos huffed a laugh. “You loved it.”
“That I did.”
With a smile, TK kissed the side of Carlos’ head and said, “So when you introduced me as your friend, it kind of blindsided me and brought all of my fears, guilt and insecurities to the front. I’ve put you through so much since we met and a part of me wonders if there will be a day when you realize that I’m too broken, too much work. It’s irrational and you’re so good at making sure that I know how much you love me, that you’re committed to me, to us.”
Carlos took a deep, shaky breath and said, “You are worth it and I guess it’s easy to push my own issues aside when I can focus on helping you with yours. I’ve seen what it’s like to be the one to walk into the minefield and been blown up more often than I really care for when it comes to you – and make no mistake, loving you makes it all worth it - and yet I never thought about there being any surrounding me or how they could hurt you.”
“Hey, it happens. I just – let’s promise that we’ll always talk about it. I know I can fly off the handle easily when something just hits me unexpectedly especially if the meet sensitive topics and I know I can be quite hurtful and crazy in those circumstances. I’m working on it, but there’s still a lot to improve on. There’s no magical fix that makes it all better. So, let’s just promise that once we’ve had time to calm down, that we’ll talk about it. Share the why’s, the how’s and all that shit and listen to what the other has to say and maybe try to figure out how things could have gone better. And hopefully, the next time we’ll avoid at least that kind of misstep.”
“I can do that.”
“And just for the record, just because I’ve been a hot mess more often than not so far, it doesn’t mean that I’m the only one who can be a mess, okay. You’re allowed to have your problems. You’re allowed to be a mess, too, and I hope I can be the rock you can lean on the same way you are for me.”
“I’m just not used to it.”
“We’re a work in progress. There’s plenty of time to get used to it yet. And if there’s ever anything that makes you feel unsafe in this relationship, please let me know. Or if there’s something you anticipate to cause problems.”
Carlos hummed and settled back down.
“I’ll try. The same is true for you as well, you know.”
“I know,” TK said, “Not being blindsided by things helps.”
Before TK could let his thoughts drift off again, Carlos sat up and looked at him.
“Something else I should know about?” he said with a frown. It had felt as if they were done with the talk.
“Dinner. How do you feel about Chinese?”
As if it had just been waiting for that question, TK’s stomach growled.
Carlos laughed and said, “I guess that’s one way to answer.”
A quick, amused peck on the lips later, Carlos reached for his phone to order their food. TK used the distraction to cuddle up to him. There was no need to talk about the food as they both knew what the other preferred by now.